Thanks !

I never know who I am in front of my friends
Am I always look strong enough in front of my friends ??
because the words "give up " arose some of my closer friends 's curiosity .

I am glad that when they see the title that I have posted in the MSN , most of them gave me loads of comfort . I am happy to know those are all God's grace on me .
All the comfort seems like raining moistening the cactus which is in the situation of withered and yellow . So I am the cactus , I will absorb all the comfort fully in my stomach , keep all the comfort as my provision .I am happy that in my difficult times , they are always loads of friends to support me .

Yesterday , it was a wonderful lunch time with Stuart , He borrowed me his ears to listen all my problems . It was not in my expected , we spend 2 hours in chatting and I were able to unbosom myself . As he had said , we both are patient , only God is our Doctor . Finally , I am able to persist what the decision I have made , he made me see the path clearer .

and he awoke me that Church and BB aren't everythings in my life , only Lord Jesus is the unchangeable .

Good timing ! Just after the lunch I got the call......

And finally .....I got a good news ! ...I got a job ! I got a job ! I got a job !!!!!!!
Althought it is just a part time as a teleslaes excutive .
And I started counting and counting how could I distribute my salary , I have to pay my rent , my fees , transportation fees , for parent , 1/10 dedication , I am going to attend the flute class soon , so I just remain Rm 7 .5 per daily meal , it is not enough!!!!!! hahahahaha

hahaahaha........that mean I need to prepare my own lunch ( da bao ) .

let see

/////////////////////////////////////////////////

Breakfast
Rm 2.5 wholemeal break for a week
Rm 2.8 ( 10 eggs )
Rm 1 ( a package of small tomatoes)
Rm 4.80 ( 100g of bacon or ham )

that mean my breakfast is Rm 1.85 per day


Lunch
eemm....it has to depend eh ......
Could be Rm 1.00 sweet corn + an waiter boiled egg
or Rm 1.50 nasi lemak / mee goreng / break / roti canai /tosai
or
own prepare spagetti or nasi goreng

so , lunch might be could be Rm 2.50 as a budget


Dinner
eerrrr...not going to cook anymore ...... I think !
Rm 4.5 as maximum ......there are loads of food court at genting klang .


Anyway .....total daily meal costs me at least Rm 8.85 as a budget


/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////


It all just a budget , hope that I can do well in my job and hit the target ....hehe...then can get bonus .

Tough ? Tough !

A same word came out from 2 of my friends.

one was questioning and other one was answering .

both giving me encourage ~
I think I obviously show how overcast I am now .
Obviously showing from my face , my reaction ..........
That why people have started asking me and give me comfort .


Went to 1st Klang Enrollment ceremony today , as I were alone from my company . I was really felt relaxing and enjoying the morning service . No burden ! No troublesome ! Nothing to busy with ! Admittedly , I were shift off from somethings.

I really didn't fling myself into the Sunday service for long . Too much complained and dissatisfaction make my eyes blind and my ears refuse to listen.

I am touch with the sermon that gave by BB national chaplain , Rev Richard Tok. He had mention a book with the title of " Red Badge of Courage " , the story is about a young soldier who deals with the terror of war .

Below is a small introduction for the book .

After agonizing about whether he will run or hold in his combat, Fleming in fact survives his second battle by running away and we are led through his emotional journey, as he tries to make sense of the reality of battle and his own role within it, often reaching rather self-serving and egocentric conclusions. He runs away into the forest and meets up with a group of injured men. They ask him where he is wounded and he is embarrassed that he does not have one. Henry wanders through the forest and decides that running was the best thing, and that he is a small part of the army responsible for saving himself. Henry feels incredibly guilty when he learns that his battalion has won and that it wasn't a suicide mission after all. Henry returns to his battalion and is injured by another fleeing soldier. When he returns to camp, the other soldiers see his wound and thought that he was harmed by a bullet in battle. Henry goes along with the story and becomes one of the best fighters in his battalion. Many readers have felt that by mastering his fear and eventually leading a charge, young Henry has become "a man."

The title itself refers to a "battle" wound that Henry at one point yearns for. He tries to stop Union soldiers from running away and then gets whacked on the head. He then lies to Tom Wilson and says he got shot in the head. Crane uses colors like crimson and blue to represent various moods or relationships in the book. They often change with Henry's mood. A river will be a dark blue, then will look just like a sapphire, and the sun will look like a sick yellow, transformed into gold.

and He also talk about the drum , when the band play the drum with the rhythm , soldier marching forward ...........meet an approaching enemy head-on. For my own company which don't have any drum or trumpet , it might be hard for me to experience this .
I can say when I listened to the band performance , my tear was almost drop . It was complicated mind on me , loads of burden and unhappy things surrounding me for so long .

Just don't ask me why , Please always just be my side .

interviews ! failure~

Went for the 3rd interview for this week.

Extremely tired !

Physical and mental

TELL ME ! WHO INVENTED THE HIGH HEEL SHOE !!!???

I almost collapse on the way I went back home on Wednesday , exhausted !
my facial feature was look like " balsam pear face " and sweating !

Agonizing !!!!!!!

can't used word to describe it ! And I admire to those female who can wear it properly !!!


After a week of rushing life

my mom just call me take rest and wait

and suddenly I just wanna stay in silent and read some books at home

hoping it would not be the other escaping way for me ~

happy Father day ~

So...Sunday , We went to my uncle 's house for steamboat and celebrated the father day .
We didn't celebrate the father day together before . And, It was so lovely joyful to have time to gather with relatives . All the kids grow and the black turn grey . The time has passed just like the rocket , my cousins shows the little corner which 4 of us ( not including my older and youngest cousins ) congest on the little child table for dinner when we were kids .
When the family members increase ( my brother's gf , and my cousin 's gf ) , we can't fit in one big round table anymore !
We planned to get one bigger ! Obviously !

Chocolate Banana cake ~

My dad & Uncle

My Uncle family & our

Gathering & chatting ~

Be all adrift

I got a sms today from one of the BB partner .
She decided to quit the officer position , I am too surprise on it honestly and the enrolment and awards day is just on the corner . Yup, Admittedly , all officers are under stresses on loads of problem .



The day before ( Sunday ) , we still in "fiery-hot " on discussing and planning the E@A on the meeting all all other matters

but

today , she just thrown me a boom.....

That mean I will be the only female officer in my company soon.......

I really don't know how to explain the feel after I got the sms , I can't think !

suddenly , I feel that I am so lonely , straying and in adrift .I lose one of the good partner who have grown together with me in BB , from the private until officer. We have pass through so many years .
I haven't give her a call , I don't know what to say .......I am speechless !

Anyway , I would like to say thank you for her service in BB for so long . And everything is worth !

Conclusion .....CT

I am looking for part time job ~ hope that I could get it as soon as possible .

I am not going to be a lazy people who just staying at home !

I have let my mind become waif for some periods , it makes me become lazy .
Lazy in doing all the things , I still have some tasks in my hand that I should have complete ....but I just leave it , until it goes moldy !!!!!!

And this periods are the most " Embarrassed" .......I am scaring on people asking me what I am doing now . I really don't know how to answer and also shame to answer . I could just open my mouth and : " Ah..................." . Never mind , I still have to pass through it by my own .


I promised to write the conclusion on my China trip . Some people might ( sometimes it including myself) think , Am I too persist on somethings that I have promised / deal with ?
hahaha......I am a bit stubborn , it always make me suffer losses . Anyway , when I watched the traveling program today , it reminds me that I haven't completed the China trip series .

Actually I forget mostly what I had planned to write in the initial .

Can I Make the comment first ?

1) I hate .....I really hate the expectoration !
2) Smoking .............it was anywhere , surrounding all the environment ! I couldn't breath !
3) Crafty ! I hate people lie on me . Anyway , I know they have to live with this type of
stratagem .
4) Almost entering every gardens need to pay and it is not cheap !



Anyway , All the outcome must have the origin .
I cannot blame them , that is their life . We cannot scale their life with our own value . We live in different country , growing in the different environment , accepting different culture effect , different in education . What we thought are right / correct /common in our value , it might not be the same for them .

One worrying tendency is , some of the teenagers( might be not only this range of people ) in the city over addict in the luxury materialistic and creature comfort . If compared to Malaysia , I could say we might be a bit frugality. Understandable , they were living in extremely hard and bitter periods .

And I discover that their ashman work until quite late ! I could still saw them when I went to dinner , it was around 7~8 pm . Disgraceful that you can see Malaysia is dirty than China , Malaysian like to throw rubbish everywhere , we can see the rubbish all along the road . Comparing to China , ......haha...there don't have much rubbish but it replaces by the phlegm !!!!!!! You have to be caution / mind every steps . ( It was horrible ) and I think it is a bad habit . I was always wandering why they got so much phlegm ! until my housemate who study biotech told me , it was cause by smoking .

In my opinion , it is just a vicious circle !!!!!!!! NO SMOKING THEN NO EXPECTORATION !
And I am giving an advice to all my friends who would like to visit China .

"There are no free lunch in the world "

100 % true , there are tricky , you will pay ! If you don't believe me ! Not even one little gift ! The trip made me seems a bit bold as brass/ disrespectfully , but sometimes it is necessary !
There are loads of disagreement , I still admire the management of the government since China is so huge ! When you looking on Malaysia situation , I would say ....we are lost in control !
For example , Just one year time ( I went to Guangzhuo May 2006 , and again May 2007) the government can successfully banned the motorcycle in Guangzhuo town .





However , every trips bring us different experience !
I extremely agree on one of the backpacker author idea, she used 2 years to span loads of countries . But it didn't mean the end , she need 4 years to completed the books , to remind back, to think and to chew . ( So am i need to use 22 days ? ....no , more than this )
Same as me , the reflection is strong enough to keep you fresh !
might be it is the good things to doing the backpacking .


but .....


I realize my parent are not suitable to do it anymore , I can notice how hard for them and every night they fallen in sleep so quickly cause of the tiring . And the first time I could feel I am growing ! I am able to lead and become a little rock for my parent .

titleless

Love is like a mustard seed;
planted by God
and watered by men

- Muda Saint Michael -





God answer me : "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." ( Matthew 6 : 33)

I always found that it is not easy to obey this rule . And sometime I think if I can follow this order well then I could cast away all my desire in the world ~

Fantasy .........

oh............I watched a very very very old film just now!

And
you will never believe what film that I have watched




Cinderella !!!!!!

The film produced much older than me !


1976

Have you ever think about what is the different if when you have watched this film at childhood age and Adult ? what would your perceive be when you watched the Cinderella at 3 years old , 13 years old and 23 years old ? I can say I still fancy on this kind of musical film , which Cinderella always singing in the jungle or the garden . :-)


I just wander why the whole set of attire of Cinderella would return back to the original after 12 pm except the shoe .......hahahahahahahaha ?

And I also wander ,
do the children nowadays still watching Cinderella ????
Do they know this fairy tale ?

It was part of my childhood memories !

a dream.............................

A feature dream ~

The dream was started with the picture of My Uncle family and My own family went to Macau trip . ( This is impossible ) at least we never went out for trip with my uncle family since all the child have grown , it was totally 11 people for 2 families , it was huge group ! ( I just wander why it didn't included my brother 's girl friend...???)

We were enjoying out trip ,the overall dream was so joyful . I still remember it was winter time , we all felt freezing but we met an ice -cream stall . My brother show me the ice cream that he has found which was the one we had eaten when we were kids. ( which is no longer manufactured now) I never seen such a happy smiling face from my brother before , he looks extremely excited .

May be it is what dream was
dream can be a space to fulfill the desire
which we couldn't in the real life

The dream suddenly jump to another small village in China ,we entered a traditional pharmacy . I don't know where it was , but clearly I knew I were talking Mandarin with them (the one with China slang) . My cousin willing to buy some medicine since she was in flu. Surprisingly ! I saw nothing in pill , it was few bottle of liquid , she tried some tastes of it , it looks like something preserve in salt or alcohol .

Jump again to another picture .
My mom and my auntie were in a small grocer , ( they are looking for a pair of clog) it looks very old ........ could be recognized as 70~80 years sign . It was return to ancient . I sat on a very high chair , crossing my leg , wearing white colour camisole and a short pants . There were 2 sales girl standing in front of me , they were murmuring at the corner and looking on me . Finally , they be on their mettle to come and asked me , "Are you Gypsy ?" and also asking their boss with the same question while pointing me .

I were so surprise ! Am I look like a Gypsy ??????????
Luckily Their boss answer : " No , she isn't" . She is not my compatriot .
oh....that mean He is .

but I couldn't find any same/common characteristic between us .


........................then , I woke up from my dream. hahaha....such a interesting dream .
I believe that because I just read a book with the title of Gypsy before I got into the nap . So I dream it too . That is what people say , when you are thinking of it at day and you will dream of it at night .

Will you support me ?

108 , 109 , 110 , 111 , 112...................................

can't believe ! I had wrote 108 pages of blogs in Blogger.
I realize that I am not that kind of people who can sit down anywhere , not limited by any circumstance to write .

Belongingness

I found I really need it . I would feel wandering and silly when I lost it . To pick up the belonginess isn't easy matter . I hate feeling strangeness , I hate something that are not in control .

How to catch back the belongingness
use day and night to inquire
or
let it comes back spontaneously

Yesterday ,I went back to KL . Seems like living as an utterly worthless person , callous to everythings. My mind gone .....................it is empty , it is vacuum .

I know God never abandon me
HE never !

And the peace of God , which transcends all understanding ,
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus

philippians 4:7

If you are always with me , Please pray for me
To transcends the understanding , I need support !

Final series ....CT

Final series ........at least before the final conclusion for my trip in China .

At Monday , the 9th day , almost the final part of my China trip

We took a bus back from "He Zhuo " to GuangZhuo . I do afraid of long journey , it costs 6 hours back to Guangzhuo . It would never be a easy journey !

With the past 9 days , I 've been trained to fallen in sleep at what ever buses or cars easily . It was true , until the first week that I came back to Malaysia , I still did the same .
China Bus is one of the bother/ horrible things , the drivers would horn non-stop along the journey ! 6 hours non-stop horning , eerrmm.....may be I could use the word " continuously". Luckily , I got used on it . Along the way back , I saw loads of depressed area . And I saw how hard the farmers are . The bus drivers stop at a station for 20 mins rest , although it was just 20mins ....it was really intolerance times to past through . Most of the drivers and the assistants stop there to had their lunch . What I really care with was the environment that they took lunch . Full of flies , you would never able to find a clean place to stand with sit with .
You would never able to stand for when you saw more than 10 flies stick on your back. It was a horrible scene .
Most of the passengers weary of the waiting . I can understand and be considerate of it .

Today , we didn't visited any places either in "He zhou"or Guangzhuo . Because we reached Guangzhuo almost 4++pm .And it was a raining day , the traffic was very very jam .
A totally peace and a day to rest . I didn't care what had I wear ( I wear the same shirt for 4 days ....hahaha)





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The second last day in China , a little raining day .


We joined a one day trip back to Macau . Why did we need to joined the travel agency ? Actually we can went back to Macau by our own .
eerrrrr.......because it was only costs 58 yuan traveling fees plus 20 yuan to tour guide in Macau . ( half day trip , bus expenses and lunch ). Okey , It was consider cheap compared with we bought a bus ticket back to Macau which costs 60 yuan .


In the meanwhile , I need to completely shift my mood and mind from a different circumstance to another . Although Macau is part of China , the taste was totally different . The past 10 days seems like living in the maze , to experience the totally different life.















What is Macau 's girder ? Gambling ! Casino ~
Half of Revenue in Macau are from Gambling .

Ruins of St .Paul 's is the famous place to visit in Macau

Macau is quite a high consumption place , normal meal could costs you at the range of 18++ ~ 30 ++ Macau money , what I mention is just a normal Wantan noddle ! The tour guide always mention to us , there must be loads of casino near by every schools , colleges and universities .
Hahaha.....My parent and I went to a casino , not for gambling ....but for food ...10 yuan Wantan noodle + a glass of tea or coffee , the cheaper we could got .

My parent and I took a leisure walk after the dinner , we almost walked through half of the island distance . We passed through the places that we had visited in the day . we walked and walked , we could still saw loads of casino which surrounding us . On the other hand ,I did realize that it is an enlightened place , loads of bookstore and Christian bookstore , almost every corner you could found one. It is better comparing to Guangzhuo , I really couldn't got any bookstore there.

Jollification city at the day
die city at the night


this is what I can describe to this place .

Depraved and exuberant exits in the same nation .






This is final series ....but not the conclusion.

Sleepless moment ~

I watch an interesting Korea film yesterday night , not the latest film , the film was produce at year 2001 .
Which I think a bit funny , I don't mean the content is funny , but the way it has perform.
It is a classic literature , this is a dictation story , the film was perform just like the Beijing opera . A narrater was singing the whole story in front which taken a fan on his hand and next to him , there was a drummer sitting on the floor .


Weather it is a true story ? I really don't know . It may be just a folktale .


The story was first wrote since fourteen century till 1954 , only then it came out an edition call 《春香传》. It is not only a love story , it is a film which show the moral corruption or degradation at the bureaucrat ism.It shown the extravagant and dissipated of the nobility . The unfair treatment/crack down the poor people , the defalcate and all the cruel criminal law.

It also show the faithfulness and the loyalty of a wife to his husband . The heroines is a prostitute ' s descendant . But she is righteous woman who preserve her chastity to his husband . They had forced to separated since the different gradation of identity . She vindicate and stand on her dignity .

The film quote folk songs , nursery rhyme , idiom , apothegm , poesy and ........it incarnate the Korea 's classicism.



I finished watching this film around 1 .30 am . I still sleepless ! So , I read the book that I had bought from the book fair which name " The Grand overland voyage".




It elicits me about what life really is . Most of us always thirst for travel around the world , we always dream on doing backpack . It is really not easy , not only the finance problem you have to cope , the most important is the spiritual and mental .
It is a very tired trips , you might lost your purpose of life if you are not able to cope with what you have experience all along the trips.

The author and her friend used 2 years to travels loads of countries , met loads of people , experience the poor and the affluences. When I read until the story which explained their experience in turkey and Iran . I recalled back a Iran girl I had met , she has a very beautiful eyes and facial features .
According to the voyage , the author said they can saw and heard loads of Iranian complained on their own religion , they have yearn for freedom . Iran Woman detest and rejected the colligation . The Iranian tried to release the repress emotion to foreign . The audit and her friend had the experience of just block by a stranger at the street to listen on the Iranian to published his discontent on the religion . They still have to self denial their behavior when they are outside . It would offend the law.

It seems like a morbidity .

Almost 4.00 am , although I haven't finished reading this book, it do illume me in somethings .
If you wanna do backpack to travel around the world , not only the finance preparation is needed , as I had said , the most important is mental .

And this book remind me that , I have met loads of friends from around the world . We might can keep our friendship with them just one day , two days , a week , a month , a year or few years . What ever skin colours they have , what every language they used , those would not become a obstruction for us .

I know We might not able to meet those people anymore in my whole life . They did appeared in my life , their presence were a part of my life .

When the hour hand point to 430 am , which I still muse in recalling back my memorize .
So, I decided to list of how many countries people that I have met .

• Australia
• Argentina

• Bangladesh
• Brazil
  
• Cambodia
• China
• Germany
• Hong Kong

• India
• Iran
• Iraq
• Japan
• Kazakhstan
• Korea
• Macao
• Mexico
• Myanmar
• Nepal
• Oman
• Romania
• Singapore
• Spain
• Sudan
• Switzerland
• Taiwan
• Turkey
• Thailand
• United Kingdom
• Vietnam
• Yemen

woah ~ 30 countries of people I have met . what I mean " met " isn't just meet them at the street and know which countries that they came from , from the language that they had communicated and their attired .

I really met them as my classmate , travel partner , working partner and friends.
I have the opportunities to chat with them , to know their cultures , to know their country and themselves .

I got a Mexican classmate in ELS who taught us dance "salsa ". I got a Taiwanese classmate at British Council who has a special life , she work as Flight attendant in USA flight company ， marry with Korean and stay at Japan or USA . Both of them communicate with Japan language , that mean my Taiwanese friends don't know Korea language and his husband don't know Chinese at all.....what a interesting matter!

And I used to Fancy on a Korean Guy . And I saw a Japanese lawyer ( my classmate ) who brazenly dalliance with a English teacher at a corner( hugging together ) , which I had remember he said his parent and his girl friend were coming to Malaysia to visit soon . I met a Thailand girl who follow her western boyfriend wherever he goes , and she show me that the tiffany jewels that her boyfriend bought her .
And I also met a Indian girl from India who comment on Malaysia public library .
A Roman girl who always dress up elegant , it was always black . And I hate the Middle East guy who like to smoke always and male chauvinism.


I tasted all the different cultures from them .
I still remember , globalization is one of the common topic that I would learn in the English Language School .

Globalization isn't just show the economical , it do mean the cultures, ecological , political, technological and social . It increases global connectivity, integration and interdependence . For example , you could eat loads of different meals in Malaysia , you could buy different countries products . When Malaysia parliament started using violence ? was it effected by Taiwan ?
When Malaysia Chinese have started losing their tradition costume with just wearing T-shirt and jeans, base on the news report , the Chinese national service members couldn't exhibit our costume .

hahaha....... I am the first person to raise my hand up and admit , I never have a piece of Chinese tradition costume .

I force myself to switch off the light ,
I raise my head up and start counting the fluorescence stars
that I had sticked on the ceiling long time ago.
I never can count it nicety
because I am a myopia

Don't know when , and how .....
Gradually I drop into my sweet dream finally !