You were in my Mind ~

This is most free week for me to read and dreaming .

LOL....dreaming ?

I 've recalled back some memories which happened between 2005 ~2009.

I  reviewing some photo and purposely visited some friend's facebook pages  .

It bring me back to recall  the guy who I was secret crush to ( anyway , He is blessed with a very good gf now ). I just can't remember what made me so crazy into him .I just can remember his lame face ... :)

It happend accidently I met him and I was the first ignored how had we met .

Throught net , we've became friend ,with my broken (yet broke) English  , thank you for his tolerance ..haha

I still remember one of our friens,A ,asked me why I didn't farewell him and sent him to airport .And She asked me if I love this guy ? The most silly and fool answer quickly came out from my mouth , NO!

I didn't know why was I denying .

Because of shy ? Because of lack of faith & confident ? Because of Inferiority ?Because my  Love to him is not great enough compare to my own ? or I was too confident he would be back to me .

Yup. All was the asnwer that made me  to deny .

If I could lived again, I would just admit , no matter what would be the consequences  . ( Ha Ha !)

2009 - UK trip was the Turning Point in my life.

I can't say this turn to be better , because yet I can't see the great result .

From then , a lots of happiness was taken away from my life . As well as memories !

It was out of my control , since then I can't speak well   and  I've lost many of my memories .

I am totally lost my confident to stand infront of stage or infront of people.

Recently , some memories like power point slice flicking in my head .I saw some of my friends, officers and some events  ~ the corners of mine mouth curved up!

:)

it's Just Not me

5 months gone . Another Stage , I try to hide myself.

No explore , no news , no sharing .No words.

I just don't know what I have done .

I totally lost .

 Somewhere I can't find the true me .


.........................unfortunately I care What people talking me..............................................

I afraid of denying . I afraid of get lose .

And

I denying myself . I lost my identity .

In the present  , Lois is no longer  the Lois you know who I was anymore.
The Protective wall has been built up and push down , rebuild and push ...and rebuild.
How many time I need to repeat these way?